conversations with a two year old

I had never experienced the “terrible twos.”  My girls were honestly fabulous two year olds.  Three definitely got easier and more fun, but two was no problem.  Then I had Andrew.  A sweet, calm, and easy baby he was.  A sweet, calm, and easy two year old he is NOT.  Sweet, sure, lots of the time.  But when he’s not…oh boy.  Most of the time he does what he wants.  Well, tries to anyway.  I’m on that kid!  Even when I set boundaries and stick to them.  Even when I am consistent.  Even when I set the ground rules and try my very best not to let him get his way.  Even when I try every. single. parenting technique I know: Reverse psychology.  Bribery.  Ignoring undesirable behavior.  Even when I stand firm and let him know, I’m the boss and you’re the two your old, he finds a way to undo it all leaving me with the choice to scream, throw up my hands in defeat, or laugh {which I do often, but never let him see!}.

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Case in point…

Jenny:  Andrew, it’s time to go read our stories and take a nap.

Andrew: {in silent protest} falls to ground and lies flat on his stomach with his eyes closed.

 

Jenny:  Andrew, time to clean up our trains!  Let’s see how fast we can put them away!  makes zooming noises and demonstrates how to quickly put toys away.

Andrew:  falls to ground and lies flat on his stomach with his eyes closed.

 

Jenny:  Time to put our shoes on!

Andrew:  falls to ground and lies flat on his stomach with his eyes closed.

{{Sidenote: THANKFULLY this behavior has since ceased.  He quickly learned I would make him get up and do what I want anyway.}}

 

Jenny: Andrew, time for your snack!

Andrew: Nacks!  Peeeeeese!  Crackas!  Cheese!  Nana!

Jenny:  Yes, you can cheese and a banana, but we don’t have crackers.

Andrew: Pretzel!

Jenny: Yes, we have fishy pretzels.  pulls out pretzels

Andrew:  No!  Nuts!

Jenny: puts back pretzels.  pulls out nuts.

Andrew: Pretzels!  Pretzels!  Peeeeeese!

Jenny: puts back nuts.  pulls out pretzels.

Andrew: No!  Nuts!  Nuts!  Peeeeese!

Jenny: puts back pretzels.  pulls out nuts.  distributes nuts.

Andrew: No!  Pretzels!

Jenny: silence

 

Andrew: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Jenny: Quiet voice in the car Andrew.

Andrew: laughs

Andrew: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Jenny:  essentially trying to “change the subject”: Look at the trucks Andrew!  Can you find me more trucks?

Andrew: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Jenny: turns up music slightly trying to ignore the ear piercing screams.

{{Sidenote: I have since learned that singing “If You’re Happy and You Know It” immediately stops the screaming…but try singing that song over and over and over again for an hour stuck in traffic.  Yeahnotsomuch.}}

 

Jenny: Andrew, it’s time for bed.

Andrew: No!

Jenny: Let’s read our stories first.

Andrew: No!

Jenny: Okay, then let’s just get in bed.

Andrew: Noooo!

Jenny: Stories it is.

Andrew: resigned silence

 

Andrew: Doggy! {translation: “I want to watch @harlowandsage videos!”  NOW!”}

Jenny: Okay, if you sit down, you can hold my phone and watch the doggies.

Andrew: Sit down!  sits down next to mommy.  

Jenny: Yes, sit down.  Thank you!  hands Andrew phone

Andrew: throws phone across room

 

Andrew: I wuv you mommy. wraps his arms around my legs in a big hug.

WORTH IT.

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