how it’s going after baby: ten weeks

Since the last time I checked in about six weeks ago, things with Jacob have been going well!  I prayed and prayed for a happy and healthy baby, and it seems my prayers {my pleading and begging?} were answered! 🙂  I get questions and comments all the time about having four kids, and while I guess four is a big number by society’s standards today, to me four just feels right.  I really never got the “how do you do it?” and “four kids!?” questions with three, but I guess when you go from three to four, you’re suddenly in the elite club of “crazy” moms with lots of kids.  Most of the time I feel like I have it all together, but trust me, there are lots of times too when I feel like I can barely keep my head above water and I am doing all I can just to stay afloat.  Truth is, even in those crazy, uncertain, hectic moments, I wouldn’t trade it.  I pray a lot, work hard, and love even harder.

how it’s going physically…

In the past week Jacob has cut back from waking twice at night between 8pm and 8am, and now only wakes up once to nurse around 3am.  For having a two month old, this mama is sleeping well!  Nursing is going well too, and I am really enjoying it.  Jacob is growing like a weed, so he must be doing okay!  As far as weight loss goes, I am trying to be as active as I can and have started to get back into my daily walks {does the running around after all four kids count as exercise too?}.  I feel like the weight loss is slow going.  In addition to adding my walks back in, I am trying to watch portion sizes and eat healthy and well-rounded meals.  I have about ten more pounds to lose of the 34 I gained.  I suppose it took nine months to put all the weight on, so I am trying not to put too much pressure on myself to get it all off NOW {but it sure would feel good to feel better in my clothes!}.  I really don’t fit in maternity clothes anymore, but my old clothes don’t feel quite right either.  Any suggestions from other mamas out there?  What do you wear after having a baby?!  Four kids later I still haven’t figured it out!  I’ll take any and all help!

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how it’s going mentally…

I am happy.  Not everything in life is perfect, believe me, but I don’t think it has to be in order to be truly happy.  I feel beyond blessed with my four healthy kids and my husband and my new home, by all of my other family, and even that I have a job to go back to at the end of maternity leave {as much as I would love stay home with my baby every day!}.  I find such peace in moments with Jacob.  Our moments alone are rare, but I cherish them.  Life passes by far too quickly, especially these precious baby moments I am in right now, and over the course of having four children, I have learned not to wish the time away.image1a

Even in my happiness, and as much as I try not to worry, I find myself worrying about life after babies.  I’ve lived with a baby or a small child for the past ten years, and sometimes I feel like it’s all I know, all I am good at.  I found {this} article the other day and feel like it fits me so perfectly that I could have written it myself.  The author says,

“…the honest truth is I’m afraid of what comes next.

I’m afraid of a life without the sweet breath of my babies.

I’m afraid of a life without the sweet innocence that I see reflected back in my daughter’s big blue eyes.

I’m afraid of a life spent without the delicious weight of a baby in my arms and a pair of chubby thighs to munch on. I’m afraid, simply, to move on.”

Reading this article was comforting to me, hearing my feelings echoed back at me, knowing that I’m not alone.  I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone voice this opinion to me before.  All I ever hear is comments like, “you’ll know when you’re done!”  “I was SO done after my last one.”  “I am so finished with having babies!”  “I never want to go through all that again.” …and on and on… Honestly, I don’t think I’ll ever have that “I’m done!” feeling, but I’m starting to be okay with that now.  I find joy in cherishing all the moments I get with my children, as they grow, and as they change.  I’ll learn along with them how to be the best mama I can be to older children.  And whether they like it or not, no matter how big they get, they will always be my babies.

With that, Jacob is waking up from his nap, so I am off for now.  Enjoy your Tuesday friends!

Jenny

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