20 weeks {halfway there!}

20 weeksa
20 weeks
How far along: 20 weeks on Sunday, July 13, 2014
Countdown: 20 weeks to go {halfway there – what?!}
Gender: We could have found out on Friday at our 20 week ultrasound, but have decided not to find out the gender this go around.  We will have to wait and see!!!  I actually had a dream the other night about my sister bringing up all of my tubs of girls clothes to return to me and then panicking because I hadn’t re-washed all the clothes yet.  Then I went to look for all my boy clothes from Andrew and couldn’t find them!  I guess that’s the type A in me coming out in my dreams, wanting to be completely prepared and ready ahead of time.  I’ll just have to get as many of the gender neutral outfits as I have washed and ready to go.  Maybe I should go buy some Dreft so these dreams stop…
Baby’s size: Baby is about the length of a banana {6.5 inches from head to bottom/10 inches from head to heel & 10.5 ounces}.  I never knew that starting at week 20, baby’s measurement is from head to heel, but prior to that, the measurement is from head to bottom.
Weight gain: 11 lbs. + {will find out at my 20 week appointment tomorrow}
Maternity clothes: Yes.
Belly button {in or out}: In.  In all of my pregnancies, I have never had my belly button “pop,” but the top part of skin right around my belly button always sticks out.
Sleep: Wonderful.  I love summertime.  I am only waking up once a night still to use the restroom, so I am enjoying that while it lasts.  I remember, during Caitlyn’s pregnancy, thinking that I couldn’t wait for her to arrive because I would rather be up with a baby three times a night than making five to six treks to the bathroom!
Best moment(s) this week: On Thursday, my mom, my kids, and I went to the first preview day of the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale.  There were some good deals on baby products that I didn’t want to miss, such as this cute gray and white pinstripe diaper bag by Skip Hop and two different sets of Aden + Anais swaddle blankets {my favorite!}.  I bought a boy set and a girl set and whichever one I don’t need will make a nice gift for some lucky pregnant friend or sister in the future.  😉  I also looked for a cute homecoming outfit for baby, but no luck.  I also went and got my hair cut.  I needed something more low maintenance {which basically just meant hacking about 6 inches off!}.  I don’t know if I find it any easier though.  After all these years I am still trying to find a quick and easy way to deal with my hair on a daily basis!  On Friday I had my twenty week ultrasound and everything looks good!  Baby is measuring 20 weeks and 1 day {3 days larger than my due date} and was very active.  It was so neat to see the baby kicking and moving around so much, and even more bizarre that I couldn’t feel a bit of it!  The technician was able to find out the gender, but we asked not to know.  Baby’s heart rate was 133 {average is anywhere from 120-165}.  It was so much fun seeing the cute little feet and hands.  Amazing!
Miss anything: I didn’t feel like I was missing out on anything this week.
Movement: Yes, but not a ton.  I was honestly a little worried about this until the ultrasound on Friday.  At my appointment, however, I found out that I have an anterior placenta. This means that it attached itself to the front of my uterus.  The technician explained that instead of having millimeters of skin between baby and the outside world, there are more like a couple of inches, making it very difficult to feel baby kicks when the baby is still small.
Cravings: Nothing this week.
Symptoms: A little hip and pelvic pain.  I experienced A LOT of this {and much worse} during Caitlyn’s pregnancy.  I couldn’t sit for more than five minutes without having a really hard time walking when I got up.  I am starting to experience this a little bit, and expect it may get worse as baby gets bigger, but we shall see!  I suspect I maybe waddling a lot during this pregnancy!  I am also having very vivid dreams, as I have with all of my pregnancies.
Queasy or sick: No, not at all.
Looking forward to: Feeling baby move more as he or she gets bigger!
Honest thoughts: The reality of delivery sneaking up on me and the fear of the actual process have started creeping in a little bit.  I try my best to pray about it and think about everything wonderful that day will bring, but the fear continues to push its way back up.  It’s not all consuming or overwhelming, but it’s definitely there off and on.  I have honestly been so blessed with wonderful and natural delivery experiences lasting only 6, 4, and little over two hours respectively.  For some reason, I really didn’t have this nervousness until Andrew’s pregnancy.  When I woke up during the night and knew I was in labor with him, I immediately started shaking uncontrollably.  I was able to calm myself down on the way to the hospital, relax, and ended up having a great experience during delivery, but that fear of the unknown was definitely there.  What am I nervous about?  I am nervous about the baby’s safety and my own.  I am worried that labor won’t go so quickly.  I am worried about experiencing the pain again {I have chosen to have three births without pain medication, and hope to do the same with number four.  Read about why, here.}.  I am worried about the intensity of the contractions and the pain as soon as my water breaks.  I am worried about pushing.  I don’t worry about recovery too much.  I know it’s messy, it’s not easy, and it’s painful, but I feel like I can handle that okay.  I had nice and “easy” recoveries after Samantha and Andrew were born, but a lot more pain, blood, and discomfort after Caitlyn’s birth.  Her birth was also the most painful and she was my most difficult baby BY FAR  {sensing a pattern here?}.  I remember, during one of my worst contractions in labor with Caitlyn, thinking, “next time I am getting the epidural!”  But then the next time came around and I felt like I wanted to do it naturally again, so I did, and was SO glad I chose that path.  I guess my hope here is that by writing about and thinking through my fears they will begin to fade.  As nervous as I am about the big day coming up in 20 weeks or so, my excitement far surpasses any fears I have.  I simply want to be honest: as much as I enjoy pregnancy, delivery, and babies, and as easy and joyful as I may make it all seem, I DO have fears and uncertainties that are very real.  I guess I’ll just have Philippians 4:13 on repeat until the big day comes: I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  Have a happy week!

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