why?

Why?

This question has been on my mind a lot lately as I think about this blog and my art… my job…and the direction I want to take each of these things…

{As a side note, I must say that over the past four years I have really learned that although I ask “why?” an awful lot {why did this happen to me?  why did I lose my job?  why do I want to blog?  why do I teach?  why don’t I try to turn my art into a source of income? why can’t I just stay home with my babies? why…why…why?} I have learned to “live and let God” as they say.  I plan as much as I can.  I pray often.  I try my best.  I try to live as honestly, as kindly, and as generously as possible.  At the end of they day, though, there are always still those frustrations, those unanswered questions, and that’s where I let go.  Learning this lesson has been a life long process that I am sure will continue, but I do feel that I have made huge strides over the past four years.  I can honestly say that today I am happy.  Despite bringing in very little money {especially for the amount of work, energy, and time I put into my job}, despite finding myself in the middle of trying to sell our house for the second time, despite being busier than I ever have been before {commuting to work, balancing three kids and their activities, etc.} I am truly happy.  I haven’t felt that in a while.  A long while.}

So why do I keep asking why?  I guess it’s part of my ongoing growth and an attempt to define who I am and what I want to do with my life.  So today, I want to try to answer one question, at least for myself if no one else.  Writing, for me, helps me sort out my thoughts.

Why blog?

I don’t know if I can answer that question directly without giving the vague and annoying answer, “because I want to, that’s why,” but I’ll try.  I suppose it started with a business idea, a way to possibly get my art out there, share it with the world, and maybe make some money in the process.  Then as I explored blogs of other women who kind-of, sort-of were already doing what I hoped to do, I found that I connected to them through their personal stories, their shared feelings, and thoughts.  In a way, these mothers who were both very like and very unlike myself, these women I knew in real life and these women I have never formally met, they became my “friends”.  I found myself a part of their lives, learning from them, laughing with them, and crying with them and I felt like I wanted to give back and be on the other side of blogging too, so my “business blog” changed more to a lifestyle blog where I share about motherhood and all that comes with it.  I have always loved reading, and reading blogs is a new genre for me.  It’s a fun, new, and interesting way to connect with people and I guess my hope is that at least one of my stories will strike a chord with some mom out there, or that one of my stories will help or inspire someone.  Lots of people won’t care what I write, many people may disagree with my opinions, but if I help, inspire, or encourage just ONE person, at least I’ll have done something positive.

Why would I want my family and friends and complete strangers to know personal stories about me and why would I put my pictures out there for people to see?

I can see how some people might find this horrifying.  I guess I am a trusting person and trust that the right people out there will find me, read my stories, and maybe find some inspiration in my words.  I guess I figure that there are bad people in the world whether or not you are using the Internet.  Maybe I am too trusting… I don’t know.   I share honestly and openly, but have boundaries and am respectful of my family’s privacy.  As my kids get older I won’t share things too personal about them, and while I definitely have firm limits about things that are private that I won’t share on my blog, I do strive to be real, and share my real life as a working mom of three kids.  I don’t want to paint my life as perfect and therefore share some of the “messier” stories as well.

Why share my stories at all?  Who cares?

Maybe no one.  And that’s okay.  I have always loved journal writing and I find that blogging is very similar, except better because I get to add photos and do some graphic design work along the way.  Maybe someday I might even be able to supplement my income by making a little money through my art sales.  I’ve only been at this a short time, but I already love looking back at my old posts.  What a great way to save memories of my thoughts and family!

For now, my hope is to share little stories about my everyday, about my experiences with babies, with kids, and with life.  I know there is nothing that extraordinary about the things I write about.  I have three kids, which is a fairly big family by today’s standards, but it’s not huge.  I don’t have any sets of multiples.  I’m not currently pregnant so I can’t do those fun bump updates.  I don’t have the time to post pictures of every step of every meal I make to share all of my recipes.  I love to decorate, but my home won’t be on the cover of Home and Garden Magazine any day soon.  I’m not a military wife or a single mom… I’m “just me,” so that’s what you’ll get.  Maybe in being “just me,” in being real, I will inspire and encourage a person here and a person there along the way.  It’s worth a shot right?

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