letters to my baby

As each of the girl’s first birthdays approached, I found myself constantly thinking about that pregnancy and reliving the first year.  Andrew’s upcoming first birthday is no different.  Since I knew this might be my last pregnancy, I took a little more time throughout the entire nine months to document my feelings, Andrew’s growth, etc.  At the very beginning, I even wrote letters to Andrew {referring to him as Baby No. 3}.  I felt like writing letters to my growing baby was the only way I could truly express how I was feeling this third time around {and a good way to document exactly what was going on}.  I love reading and re-reading the letters.  These first letters especially make me smile…

IMG_2345a

June 15, 2012

Dear Baby #3,

I am really, truly learning how to trust God and know that His plan is perfect.

I just found out this morning {I took a test at 6:45am!} that I am pregnant with YOU!  The third blessing your daddy and I have been praying for.  Last month when I took a pregnancy test and it was negative I was heartbroken.  I honestly didn’t think it would happen this month either.   Over the past month I really turned to God and let Him know that I trust His timing and His plan.  SO, when the test read “pregnant” this morning, I think I was in shock.  I know I was in shock.  I had so prepared myself for another “not pregnant” that I truly believed I would see that outcome again.  I must admit, I am nervous.  Yes, we planned and planned for perfect timing on this, but my mind immediately began running a million miles a minute…

…will my new insurance coverage be enough?

…how will we afford childcare when I have to go back to work?

…I don’t want to go back to work!

…who will watch you if I do have to go back to work?

…will other people think this is bad timing?

…when do I tell other people?

And then…peace.  GOD has this handled.  You were conceived in HIS timing, not as a part of mommy and daddy’s “perfect plan.”  God will provide, of that I am absolutely positive.  You are God’s gift to me.  A gift I will love with my whole heart every day of my life.  You are a treasure and I am beyond thrilled and excited to meet you around February 24, 2013.  Am I still scared?  A little, but I’m working on turning that over to God too.

Love,

Mommy

 …

my girls and me the day I found out I was pregnant
my girls and me the day I found out I was pregnant

June 16, 2012

Dear Baby #3,

God has a good sense of humor.

Last night I got a text from my friend before your daddy got home from work {my best friend basically since she was born four months after me}.

K: “So I’m knocked up”

Me: “Seriously?!?!”

{practically rolling on the floor laughing because what NO ONE else knows is that I too am “knocked up”}

K: “Yup 5 weeks”

{I’m thinking, oh my gosh, I’m about four weeks along…}

Me: “Wow…yay!!! Congratulations!  Did you just find out?”

{Cause I just found out and I really can’t believe you’re pregnant too!!!}

K: “Yea peed on a bunch of sticks this week and went to doctor today”

Me: “Yay!!! Are you excited?”

{I can’t believe this is actually happening!!!}

K: “I’m exhausted right now!  And a little in shock still”

Me: “I know the feeling…”

{Oh boy do I ever!}

Me: “So your due date is in February sometime?”

{Mine should be around February 24 according to my calculations}

K: “Yea feb 19 I guess”

{5 days apart!!!}

Honestly I am still in shock and it’s been over 15 hours!  I’ve always wanted to be pregnant at the same time as one of my close friends or my sister, but never thought it would happen since I started having kids so young.  You’re going to have a little friend exactly your age – how fun!  I was just telling your grandma the other day that it would be funny if K and I got pregnant at the same time because I would be pregnant with my third while she would be pregnant with her first.  When our moms were pregnant with us her mom was pregnant with her third and my mom was pregnant with her first!  Like I said, God has a great sense of humor.  It sure is funny to be one of the only ones who knows!

When daddy did get home last night I showed him K’s text, then showed him my pregnancy test.  I think he was in shock too.  He is so happy that you’re on the way.  We’ve already started talking about names.  Mainly boy names since we can’t seem to agree on those as well as the girl ones.  The God parent discussion has begun as well…and I’m dreaming about your nursery…I really am so excited!

I still feel great.  I’m not any more tired than usual and my appetite is good.  I was exhausted, laying on the couch the first whole trimester I was pregnant with your big sister Caitlyn, so we’ll see what you do to me!  I’m trying to start my design business, so hopefully you let me keep my energy!  Honestly, I will take however I feel as it comes.  I simply pray for you to be born healthy.  I love you already.

Love,

Mommy

I wrote letters for the first couple months, then went back to work and the letters tapered off…

Finding these letters a little while back inspired me to write to my kids again.  Throughout high school and college I would write page after page at a time in my journal.  Writing is a good outlet for me.  It helps me to think clearer, to prioritize, to set goals…I am excited to write to my children and to someday share my words with them, to look back and see where we’ve been and how I was feeling at the time.

Jenny

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